So I turned 25 on May 8 of this year and I was SO. EXCITED! Now? I’m astonished.
I keep telling people that I am deeming this year of my life “the grown and unknown” because it as if as soon as I turned 25 a switch was flipped. Did this happen for anyone else? I was immediately thrown into situations with which I had no experience, but my entire method of engaging the world changed. It isn’t swag. It’s… patience — the ability to view life from an aerial view, understand that things will not change overnight, and come up with a realistic plan to attack the future with the resources I have while simultaneously trying to acquire more resources. Whew! That was a long sentence.
Anyway… it’s been crazy and it hasn’t even been a month yet! I’m working this job learning how to be an IT, and I’m trying to balance my music life, and it is HARD. I had a show this past Sunday, and I felt like a total outsider. I felt like I was perpetrating on stage. It was horrible for me. I’ve been in work mode in the corporate world for the past 12 weeks and haven’t performed since I started working. I walked out and called my affinity and he told me, “You’re a businesswoman. You need to pick a path and go down it.” And I yelled in defense of my art, “I’m a musician!” He just sighed, and repeated himself. I know he was trying to help, but he just confused me even more. How do I make a choice? Why do I have to? Why can’t I do both at the same time? My brain is saying that this isn’t realistic, but my heart won’t let my art go.
…And don’t even get me started on relationships. Am I tripping or are most people incurably immature and immoral? I feel naive when I engage the world with the sense that people, while fallible, are mostly good… or mean to be. So again… the onslaught of confusion arises with no end in sight, but with patient engagement. All of my friends are either not 25 yet or are way past 25, so I kinda feel like I’m experiencing this by myself. It’s okay… I don’t mind it…
For the first time in my life, I’m experiencing drastic, constant change and I’m not pissed. Lol… I’m actually proud of myself. Further into the deep we go. Bring it on, 25!
Yo so I’m gone pull a fast one and comment on your Kreyshawn joint on this page because I’m just that slick, lol. I feel you but all I can say is this; for the past 15 years mainstream female hip-hop has been dominated by black women who have been trying hella hard to be white. I mean you got Lil Kim and Nicki Minaj arguing over who’s the real Barbi, WTF! So with that being said, to me it seems inevitable that sooner or later they would put a real white broad in the mix. Wouldn’t you agree?
First of all, I mentioned the social element that upholds the European standard of beauty, which has infiltrated the psyches of Lil Kims and Nicki Minajs. ALSO, there have been SEVERAL black female emcees who HAVE NOT been “trying hella hard to be white,” namely Eve (via the Ruff Ryder era), Lauryn Hill, and Queen Latifah. There are many more, but these women don’t get as much play as the ones willing to succumb to implants and contacts and weave and skin lightening creams. Let’s also be clear: Kreayshawn is a product using WHITE privilege to profit off of trying to emulate/imitate BLACK culture. Insofar as inevitibility… just because something is bound to happen, doesn’t mean once it does, we should accept it silently. That said… Dom Jones will not go quietly into the night. Lol.
Hmmm Eve never tried to be white with the blonde-colored bob cut? Interesting. And Lauryn came out with one solid album that was about 35% hip-hop. I agree Kreayshawn is outta control with her use of the “N” word and fake ghetto personna but all I’m saying is she is no faker than Ms. Minaj or Lil Kim.
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